UN-BREAK MY HEART

I've never been to very successful -- long term -- in my relationships with woman. I'm sure it has been mostly my fault they didn't last. I guess I'm not been a good "soul mate" for anyone.

As I have gotten older, I have also grown more assured that being alone in life is the way it is meant for me. I'm too selfish & set in my ways to include others within my personal boundaries.

Oh, I've ... "been in love". A bunch of times. Sometimes the woman even loved me back. Not often, but sometimes.

Most often, I have been attracted to women who didn't have the same feelings to return. Bummer.

On several occasions, the attraction started out gangbusters & I felt like I was really -- FINALLY -- in an a mature, meaningful relationship. Didn't last. Didn't make it.

I was married ... many years ago. "Married" for a little over four years, but I knew I'd made a mistake in the first 48 hours. That one was my fault all the way.

I've had therapy several times. I tried figuring what I was doing wrong. Mostly, I just wanted to be sure there were ways to end the pain of breaking up, without there being the need to go out a window from a tall building. I had those thoughts.

It was three years ago yesterday -- April 17th, 2007 -- that I REALLY had my heart broken.

Actually, I had it CUT OPEN. It was by-pass surgery that has left me with scars on my chest & left leg [where veins were removed to be sewed into my heart to replace the none functioning arteries] along with wires tied internally in my chest, where my breast plate was sawed open & then pulled back together with the wires. [The wires -- which are permanently there -- give a strange, surreal picture to any chest x-ray.]

I was never "sick". I did not have a heart attack. All the doctors said I had a good, strong heart.

The doctors never asked me how I did with "the chicks". Maybe all those heartaches didn't affect me physically.

I guess this kind of surgery is kind of "cookie cutter" now days. I had my surgery on a Tuesday & came home on Friday. Heck, when I was young, I was in the hospital for 10 days with foot surgery. Ingrown toenails !!

In the past three years I have tried to follow the basic rules, which for me are: eat properly & exercise.

I never smoked, although for a number of years I worked in an office where second hand smoke was common place. I used to have a glass or two of wine -- sometimes more -- at night. That ended. So did the pizza, ice cream, M&M's & fattening foods. Got to watch what I eat.

I walk, or run, daily. Usually I alternate the days I do. I've written previously about the senior center I go to work out at when the weather is bad, as well as describing my annual participation at the 5K "Meowathon" in Memphis. I've already signed up for this years run on November 20th.

One thing I do not have in my life -- & was probably a MAJOR cause of my heart problems -- is STRESS. I'm lucky that my need to have a job has ended ... for now. [I still dream of that WalMart "greeter" job.] My last few years with Maybelline were killers & the several years of traveling weekly to Memphis were no fun either. Stress can kill you.

Stress can also be in relationships. I guess that's not an area of concern for me right now. I'm happy with how my life is & the three "girls" in my life give me all the love I need, returning the affection I give to them.

YES ... I MEAN MY CATS !!! All you cat haters ... DEAL WITH IT !!!

My Precious -- in the photo -- started it all for me, along with her daughters, Nibblets & THE WOBBLER. My heart -- repaired, revitalized & pumping just fine -- is filled now with love for these fine animals.

No therapy needed for these relationships.